


One for the Money

by JillyBeans_storycorner



Series: One for the Money [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, I wasn't really sure how to rate this, Psychological Torture, kidnapped steve, see notes at the beginning for more details
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-09 00:38:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6882310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JillyBeans_storycorner/pseuds/JillyBeans_storycorner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The beginning of my four part 'One for the Money' series, Steve is kidnapped by a by a mysterious new   adversary. While the team rushes to save him, Steve falls prey to the mysterious and dangerous 'Dr. Shepherd', who's twisted mind games convince Steve that he’s in fact a dangerous and delusional serial killer who’s created a fantasy world to protect himself from the awful truth: the Ohana he holds so near and dear is not his family at all, but effigies of the victims he brutally murdered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Something's Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, this piece was written as a character study fic I guess you could call it, some time around the midseason break of season 2 if the time stamps are any judge. Fair warning that this goes down a pretty dark path. Stevie is my precious baby angle and I had a hard time putting him though this, so if you’re easy upset, and don’t want to read about Steve’s brain flashing back to false memories of him killing Chin, Kono, Grace and Danno you might wanna look away. That'll come in a later chapter and I'll warn you again if you'd like to cover your eyes.

“Steve, this the sixth time I have tried calling you, my friend. I’m on my way to your place right now but I would still appreciate it if you would answer your phone, or call me back, something to let me know that you’re not currently lying dead in a ditch somewhere, you…just be there when I get to your house ok?”

Danny jabbed the ‘call end’ button and forced down a nervous chuckle. The words had slipped out with his sarcastic diatribe and now he couldn’t get the image out of his head. Something was wrong, he could feel it in his gut, Steve was late this morning. Steve’s never late. It goes against every bit of circuitry the Army’s got his screwy brain all wired up with. _Navy, Danny, it’s the Navy_. He could almost hear his partner correcting him. His partner who wasn’t just late this morning, he didn’t show up period. Something was defiantly wrong. 

A few minutes later Danny screeched the Camaro’s tires into Steve’s driveway, right behind where the Silverado was still parked. _Good_. Danny thought to himself. At least now he knew that Steve hadn’t crashed into a volcanic ditch, knowing for a fact that piece of shit Steve refuses to send to scrap where it belongs is once again sitting out of commission in the garage. However, as he climbed out of the car a new wave of horror hit him. Just because Steve’s truck is here doesn’t mean he is. What if he’d got pulled under by a riptide during his morning swim to Japan and back? Or gotten attacked by a shark? What if the glass from the back door is shattered all over the floor and Steve didn’t leave the house of his own volition? 

Danny knew he was letting his imagination run wild, but it didn’t stop his feet from running to the front door. _Steve didn’t show up for work and something’s wrong_. Danny wasn’t going to bother with knocking, but the front door was still securely locked. _That’s a good sign right_? 

“Steve” he called rapping on the door with the heel of his hand. “Steve, it me. Open up!” Danny listened carefully for a response, any sounds of movement, but got only silence. He fumbled for the spare key still on his key ring, _Steve had never asked for it back and they’d been letting themselves into each others’ houses since practically the day they met_ , and jammed it hastily into the lock. 

The inside of the house was casted in an unsettling semi-darkness- all the shades were still drawn- but there was no broken glass on the floor, no splinted pieces of furniture, no signs of a struggle at all. _Those are good things_. Danny let out a low breath, thinking of all the things he would do if he found out that son of a bitch was sleeping off a bad hangover, when a low moan drew his attention over to the living room. 

“Steve?” he called out tentatively. It was then he noticed the heap of blankets on the floor, a few feet from the couch, much too large and awkwardly shaped to be only blankets. “Steve!” 

Danny rushed forwarded and with considerable effort hoisted his partner to his feet and onto the couch. “Steve? Hey, buddy, you ok?” 

Steve didn’t respond, he didn’t need to; one look at him gave Danny the answer. Steve’s normally tanned complexion was now a shocking grayish, pasty color, marred by fever spots high in his cheeks. His brow was covered in beads of sweat and his hair looked like it was soaked with it, despite the fact that he was shivering as if the air around him was freezing. Danny instinctively placed a gentle hand to Steve’s forehead. “Jesus.” He whispered. Steve’s skin wasn’t just warm, if felt burning to the touch. 

“Hey Steve, it’s gonna be ok. Just hang in there for me, it’s gonna be ok.” He rubbed up and down Steve’s blanket covered arm with one hand while the other scrambled to get his phone from his pocket. “This is Det. Danny Williams, Five-0” he informed the dispatcher, keeping a reassuring hand on Steve as he spoke, (who it was more reassuring to he couldn’t say), “I need an ambulance at 2727 Piikoi-“ 

“No…don’t…” Steve moaned weakly. 

“Shhh” Danny whispered back, squeezing his shoulder lightly “Tell EMS that it’s for my partner, Commander McGarrett. Thank you.” _And what does it say about them that practically every first responder in Honolulu knows all the members of Five-0 by name?_

“No..” Steve was still groaning “Don’t - don’t want to…” 

Danny rolled his eyes, he should have known, no power on this earth could stop Steve from trying to refuse medical attention. “You don’t get a choice here, babe.” Danny said “Now stay right here and don’t move, I’m gonna find a thermometer, get an idea of what we’re dealing with. I’ll be right back.” 

Danny’s search, as it turned out, was in vain. Though he rifled through every cabinet and drawer in both bathrooms and even checked the first-aid kit in the kitchen, he couldn’t find what he was looking for. _Of course the Neanderthal doesn’t own a damn thermometer. Why would he? ‘SEALs don’t get sick Danno, we have superhuman, bio-engineered systems that make us immune to all mortal germs’_. Danny sighed and made dew with grabbing an ice pack from the freezer and returning to Steve. 

“No” Steve whined as the ice pack was placed on his burning forehead. “No – off- t-too cold.” He feebly tried to push Danny’s arm away. 

“Shhh. I know buddy, but we’ve gotta get your temperature down ok?” Danny said gently, carefully pressing the ice pack to the sides of Steve’s temple, causing him to squirm helplessly. 

“No!” Steve gasped “Stop – cold….c-can’t – don’t know- please- do-don’t k-know…” 

Danny’s hand shot back, taking the ice pack with it, as a horrible realization dawned on him. He knelt down, cautiously peering into Steve’s glassy, unfocused eyes. “Steve” he said carefully “Steve look at me.” No response. “Steve” Danny said more firmly “Buddy, do you know where you are?” Nothing. “Do you know who I am?” 

Just then, the front door banged open and two paramedics rushed inside. Danny didn’t recognize either of them; _they must be new, boy are they in for a fun ride_. He jumped out of their way but hovered close by, just incase Steve suddenly acted on whatever awful hallucination his delirious brain was conjuring up. Fever weakened or not, Super SEAL was still Super SEAL. 

“How long has he been like this?” asked the medic who was shining a light in Steve’s pupils. 

“Ummm” Danny blinked several times until he was able to register the question “I’m not sure, I found him like this, that was maybe ten minutes ago…” 

"Temperature’s reading in at 105.6, we gotta move.” the second EMT stated to the first, shifting Steve’s legs into a horizontal position next to the gurney 

_One-0-fi…No. He’d heard that wrong. Nobody’s fever could be that high…Wouldn’t that cause brain da…No…people don’t just get fevers that high over night. Steve was fine yesterday. He’s fine now. He’s gonna be fine. Just fine…._

Danny suddenly became aware that the EMTs were moving, with Steve on a gurney. He shook his head to clear it, then rushed to follow but the second EMT held an arm out to stop him. “No ride alongs.” 

“No, no I’m his partner, I’m going with him.” Danny said thickly. _Clearly they’re new. Everybody knows better than to try and separate Five-0. ‘Williams stays with McGarrett and vice versa. Same with Kelly and Kalakaua. You just don’t try to separate them, it’s a bad idea.’ Everybody knows that._ The second EMT was speaking again. 

“Look we’ve got a Type II bus and barley enough room as it is. We can’t take passengers”. 

“But-“ Danny started to protest, but the first EMT cut him off. 

“If you want him to live, get out of the way” he said with a firm glare. 

The words froze Danny where he stood. He watched helplessly as Steve was wheeled away, before snapping to his senses again and grabbing his keys from where he’d unconsciously dropped them on the floor earlier. He raced out the door, towards the Camaro, pausing behind the ambulance as Steve was being loaded in the back. 

“It’s gonna be ok Steve. I’m gonna be right behind you buddy. See you soon ok?” 

Steve blinked owlishly, and tilted his head up as much as he could. “D-Danny…” he mumbled “Danny…?” 

Danny only had time to briefly meet his eye before the doors to the ambulance slammed shut. 

******************************* 

He’d never get used to the irony of it. The first time Danny had ever been to an ER was when he was seven years old and his father had been brought in after a ‘close call’ on the job. (To this day Danny still didn’t know exactly how close a call, he and Mom had always kept the details away from the kids). He’d expected it to be a rush of noise and activity like he’d seen on TV: doctors bustling about urgently while heart monitors beeped out the patients’ distress. 

But the waiting rooms were always relatively quiet, give or take the occasional wailing of a baby with an ear infection. Today it seemed almost too quiet. Beside himself the only other people in the waiting room were a college-aged girl sympathetically rubbing the back of a miserable looking young man holding a ratty washcloth over his eye, and an older man ideally thumbing through a magazine. _Clearly they weren’t busy today so why the hell was it taking so long for anyone to give him an update about Steve_? 

Danny checked the time on his phone for what was revealed to be the third time in under a minute and sighed. He couldn’t stop replaying the scene in his mind 

_“Danny?”_ Steve calling out for him weakly, like a confused little kid, almost scared even, and Danny once again regretted not having turned on the sirens to keep up with the ambulance. _He should have been there waiting when Steve was brought in_. He couldn’t take it anymore. Danny pushed himself out of the cheep vinyl chair and approached the receptionist. 

“Excuse me,” he said, flashing his badge “Det. Williams, Five-0, I was wondering if you had any information about my partner yet? Steve McGarrett, he was brought in earlier with a high fever.”

“Let me check.” the receptionist replied with a placating smile. _Five-0’s reputation proceeds them again, God what is wrong with their lives?_ However, her smiled faltered as she typed and click on the computer in front of her. The same uneasy feeling from this morning hit him square in the gut. _No. Everything’s fine._

“I’m sorry Detective, I don’t have any record of Commander McGarrett being admitted this morning.” 

Danny stared dumbfounded. _Something’s wrong…no. It’s fine. It’s a mistake. Everything’s fine._

“Right, um, could you- are you able to check with the other hospitals- I’m didn’t have time to ask which one they were bringing him to – I just assumed the ambulance would bring him here – it’s the closest and-“ He realized he was rambling and closed his mouth. The receptionist smiled at him again. 

“Of course, let me make some calls” she replied. 

Danny sat back down and ran an anxious hand through his hair. He considered calling Chin and Kono again, but decided against it. For the second time today he was over reacting; letting his worry get the better of him. There are three hospitals in the area, and Steve could have been taken to anyone of them. _And he’s there right now, alone._ Danny tried not to think about Steve lying in a hospital bed, delirious and confused, asking for Danny, not understanding why he wasn’t there. 

“Det. Williams” the receptionist had materialized in front of him; the way she was looking at him put him on edge. 

“What is it?” he asked, more bluntly than he meant to. 

“I’m sorry but none of the other hospitals have any record of Commander McGarrett being admitted today. You said he was being brought in by ambulance?” 

“I- yeah – they came and took him – I saw them-“ He was rambling again. A shadow crossed over the receptionist’s face. _Something’s wrong._

“Detective, I also spoke with the head of 911-dispatch, they received your call this morning but reported when EMS arrived no one was at the scene.” 

Danny felt the ground give out under his feet. Without another word he was sprinting through the automatic doors, shaking fingers jabbing the buttons on his phone. _Come on, come on_

“Danny,” Chin’s steady voice came over the line after the third ring “How’s Steve doing?” 

Danny opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was a horse croak. 

“Danny?” Chin asked hesitantly “Is everything ok?” 

“Chin” Danny ground out, forcing his voice past the lump in his throat “I need you to grab Kono and start going through all the traffic cameras with-in a five mile radius of Steve’s house…. Something’s wrong…. Chin…. Steve’s missing.”


	2. Dr. Shepherd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so it beings.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is very short, I might throw you guys one more chapter by the end of today if I can.

Steve’s head was swimming. His chest felt heavy, it was hard to breath, then the next second the pain would disappear and he’d slip back into a welcoming haze.

_“Steven”_ a voice drifted across his ears. It sounded garbled and far away, like it was coming from underwater…water…he was thirsty…but then the feeling slipped away. 

“Steven, are you listening to me?” the voice came in clearer. Steve forced his eyelids up… _when had they closed?_ ….he was vaguely aware that his head was lolling freely as his vision blurred in and out. 

“Steven, I need your focus so we can continue.” 

Steve’s gaze finally settled on the owner of the voice. A man was seated across from him. He looked to be near Steve’s own age, possibly a little older. He was the most non-descript person Steve had ever seen. His short hair was a dulled brown, thin lines flecked the corners of his brown eyes, visible only because they were magnified by the square, frameless spectacle he wore. He looked at Steve from over those spectacles, seated in a rolling chair directly across from him, a notepad balanced on one bent knee. 

The swimming sensation in Steve’s head was starting to make him nauseous. He tried to lift a hand to it to steady himself, but his arm wouldn’t budge. It was then that Steve looked down and saw the heavy leather restraints that were ensnaring his wrists. His body jerked impulsively, which alerted him to the fact that his ankles were similarly bound, he was secured to a metal chair, which was bolted into the concrete floor below. A rush of adrenaline cleared the fog from his brain just enough for him to speak. 

“Who are you?” he shot at his captor “What do you want?” 

The man sighed and scribbled onto his notepad. 

“Hey!” Steve growled, “I asked you a question. Who are you? Huh?” 

“I’d very much like for you to answer that question first.” the man said calmly. 

“What?” 

“Tell me, who are you?” the man prompted again. 

Steve schooled his features. _All right, if he wants to play games then let’s play._ “Lt. Commander Steve McGarrett, Five-0. But I think you all ready know that." 

The man shook his head and scribbled. “Yes, I’m afraid this isn’t the first time you’ve told me that.” The man leaned forward, staring at Steve over the rim of his glasses “Steven, my name is Dr. Shepherd,” _Doctor…he was so cold when he woke up this morning…he’d tried to get more blankets from the chest in the living room but he could barely walk…_ “Do you know where you are right now?” Dr. Shepherd continued. 

_“Buddy, do you know where you are? Do you know who I am?”_

_Danny…._

“Danny!” Steve's eyes darted around frantically, _Danny had been there when…they took him…he’d told Steve it would be ok… ___

“Why do you feel like you need Danny right now Steven?” Dr. Shepherd asked gently. 

“Where is he?” Steve yelled, yanking hard at the restraints. _They have Danny, he needs to find Danny, they have him._ “What did you do to him?” 

“Who are you talking about Steven?” The calmness of Shepherd’s voice only aggregated Steve more. 

“Danny Williams! My partner! What did you do him?” Steve was losing his control, he needed to rein it in, but the fog in his brain wouldn’t let him. 

“Steven,” Shepherd said with the tone of someone trying to persuade a stubborn child “you don’t have a partner. Danny isn’t real. Not in the way you believe him to be.” 

“What the hell are you talking about? What are you- where’s Danny?” Steve demanded. 

“He doesn’t exist Steven. You created him, just like all the rest of them, to protect yourself from what you did.” Shepherd pushed his spectacles up rubbed his eyes. 

_If he could just break the restraints, he could stanch those glasses off Shepherd’s face and slice his carotid with them before he would even know what hit him._

“Steven, stop pulling the restraints, you’re only going to hurt yourself. I know you’re thinking up a way you could ‘neutralize’ me, but that isn’t going to happen.” Steve stared, how could Shepherd possibly have known what he was thinking? 

“Steven I need you to listen to me very carefully.” Shepherd continued in his too calm voice “We’ve been through this before, every time you and I come close to a break though, you regress back into this fantasy and it needs to end. Your name is Steven McGarrett. You’ve been a patient here at the state psychiatric hospital for the last two years, since it was determined that you weren’t mentally competent to stand trial for the murders of seven people.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone thinks this rings of Shutter Island, I do love me that movie, however this is more of a general cliche plot, later described by Kono as ‘The Arkham Theory’, in which the hero’s life is actually all just a fantasy and they’re really a patient in a mental hospital. Done to death, I know, but this was half fic, half character study for me. A way to explore Steve as a character when you strip away the two things that are everything to him: his honor and his family, and what’s left after that? And I’ll be quiet before I give away too much. Enjoy!


	3. Breakthroughs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is held captive by a menacing abductor who is playing a twisted mind game while his team races to find him, a game where Steve is slowly started to be convinced that he is in fact a violent serial killer, and his whole life for the past two years is a fantasy world created by his guilty subconscious, and inhabited by his victims.

“Danny!”

Kono rushed towards him as he entered through the glass doors of HQ and wrapped her arms around him immediately. “You ok?” she asked quietly next to his ear. 

“Yeah” Danny mumbled, giving himself a moment to relax into the hug, before squeezing her back and breaking away. He allowed himself to be led over to the tech table, where Chin was busy doing something clever involving the traffic cam footage.

“Hey brah” Chin said with a reassuring smile “You all set.”

“Yeah” Danny replied. “I gave the descriptions to HPD, and they’ve got an APB out right now but I’m not sure how much good it’ll do. We got anything yet?”

Chin shook his head “Not sure. We need you to take us through exactly what happened this morning.”

“You mean apart from the fact that this is my fault?”

“No one’s blaming you Danny.” Kono said, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder “And it’s Steve we’re talking about, he can more than take care of himself, he’ll be all right.”

“No, _normal_ Steve would be all right. But you guys didn’t see him this morning, he was out of it, could barley move, I think he might have been delirious, he-” Danny swallowed hard against the lump in his throat “I’m not sure he even knew where he was, much less what was going on. He’s sick, really sick, we’ve gotta find him.” 

“We will.” Chin said firmly “Just tell us what you saw.” 

“There were two of them” Danny said, rubbing at his eyes. “EMTs, at least I thought they were. Both around late 20’s, one was about 5’ 7”, 160 lbs., the other was around 5’10”, 150 lbs., both were white, brown hair, brown eyes, no distinguishing marks that I could see.” 

“That’s good Danny.” Chin said, and Danny could help but take comfort in his steady regarding tone “What about the vehicle?” 

“Um, one of them called it a ‘type II’, I think, it was one of those ones that looks like a van.” 

Kono’s eyes widened and she immediately started tapping at the tech table. 

“Don’t see too many of those out there, should help us narrow it down” she said hopefully. 

“I didn’t get the license plate though.” Danny informed them “I didn’t even think to-“ 

“Danny” Chin gripped his shoulder “You didn’t know, there’s nothing you could have done.” 

“I was right there” Danny told the floor miserably “I was right there and I let them take him, I should have turned on the sirens and followed behind, I should have gone with him” 

“If you had they probably would have killed you and taken Steve anyway. Then where would we be? Steve would still be missing, only instead of tracking down a lead we’d be trying to explain to Grace why you weren’t coming home tonight. You can’t blame yourself this.” 

“Got something!” Kono exclaimed as the monitors flashed to life, showing the grainy image of a van shaped ambulance. “This was from this morning about thirty minutes after Danny’s 911 call came in, and it’s just about five miles away from Steve’s place.” 

“Tell me we got the driver.” Danny said. 

“One second” Kono tapped at the surface of the table “There!” 

Danny felt a surge of both relief and anxiety flow through him. “That’s him, that’s one of the guys-“ _who took Steve_. He couldn’t finish the sentence. 

“Good work Cuz, you run facial rec, I’ll take the license plate.” 

“All ready on it.” Kono replied, her eyes determined and focused. _They’re gonna this guy_. 

“All right, ambulance is legit. It’s registered with HFD.” Chin reported seconds later. 

“Same with our perp.” Kono said as she swiped the matching image onto the screens “He’s a licensed EMT, Kyle McMillan, 28, been with HFD volunteer unit for the past three years.” 

“All right.” said Danny “Let’s go pick him up for little chat.” 

********************************** 

“We can do this all day Steven. You and I have however long it takes together.” 

Steve said nothing, he continued to stare obstinately at a spot on the blank wall behind Shepherd’s ear. He wasn’t going to play along. Whatever mind game Shepherd had in store, he wasn’t going to win. 

“It’s a nice life you’ve created for yourself Steven. Distinguished Naval career and head of an elite police task force, just like your father, only better.” 

Shepherd paused as if waiting to see if he’d elicited a response. _Lock it down McGarrett. He’s not getting one_. Seeing the mention of his father wasn’t going to have the desired effect, Shepherd continued, “And most importantly a little makeshift family to give all the love that you need. That’s what this has always been about hasn’t it Steven? The love of a family? That’s why you chose to hurt the people that you did.” 

“I’d never hurt anyone. I’d never kill anyone.” Steve snapped. _Lock it down. Don’t give him what he wants. Don’t give in. Do not surrender_. 

Shepherd shook his head. “You know that’s a lie Steven. You can’t hide that part of yourself, no matter how hard you try. Even ‘Commander McGarrett’ has killed. ‘Bad people’ of course: terrorists, murders, people who ‘deserve it’. Much like how they deserved it for flaunting what you could never have.” 

Shepherd pulled out a file and spread it’s contents out on the small table between them. Steve couldn’t control the urge to glance down, and his stomach jolted violently. Spread before him were pictures of his team; Danny smiling broadly with a littler Grace on his shoulders, taken back in New Jersey by the looks of the trees in the background, Chin beaming with pride, his arm around Kono holding up what looked like her letter of acceptance to the police academy, a third photo showed a much younger Kono standing between Chin and Malia this time, who were both pointing enthusiastically at the gold medal around her neck, another was of Chin and Malia, locked in each others embrace at what could only be their engagement party. 

“Where did you get those.” Steve glared at Shepherd, all too aware of the panic rising in his chest. _Shut it down_. 

“They’re copies of personal photos given to me by the surviving families. They want you to understand exactly who the people you took away from them were. They want justice Steven, and until you come to terms with reality, they won’t have it.” 

“Listen to me,” Steve forced himself to keep his voice in control “you can do whatever you want to me, I don’t care, but if you come near my team I swear I will kill you, you got that?” 

“Let’s talk about your family Steven. You’re real one.” 

Shepherd produced another photograph, Steve recognized it right way, it had been taken for the family Christmas card when he was ten. They were all on the couch in the living room wearing the ridiculous sweaters Mom had forced them all into. Dad was on the far left, his arm draped around the back of the couch, Steve’s younger self was next to his dad, goofy grin and hair flopping over his forehead, then tiny, little Mary with her hair in pigtails, smiling widely to reveal the gap from a newly lost tooth, and finally his eyes lingered on his mother, legs curled up and beaming at the camera. A moment frozen in time right before Steve had grown tired of sitting still and saw it fit to pull Mary’s pigtail, causing her to retaliate by pinching his arm, resulting in Mom having to physical separate the two of them while Dad complained loudly that they were wasting money by having the air conditioning on this high, and no one wears sweaters in Hawaii, and _‘Steven if you knock over that tripod, so help me-!’_

_Don’t let it register. Emotion is your enemy, do not surrender!_ He could feel the weight of Shepherd’s gaze on him. 

“They always did like Mary best, that’s what you told me isn’t it Steven? Your sister was always the favorite? Maybe, perhaps, because they sensed what you were capable of? That’s why your father sent you away after your mother’s death. He suspected, and he chose to protect Mary as opposed to helping you.” 

Steve looked at him with a questioning glare. _What the hell was that supposed to mean?_

Shepherd seemed to read his mind again. “The break lines were tampered with by someone who knew they’re way around a car, Steven. You’ve never admitted it, but I believe your father knew you were involved. I don’t believe you ever meant to kill her, just maybe you were angry and thought you’d teach your father a lesson by wrecking his car? That’s why he sent you as far away as he could. Hoped the Naval Academy might straighten you out, without having to bare the shame of being a cop with a killer for a son. He didn’t understand how truly unstable you were, the effect that kind of environment would have. That you would disappear for almost four years, only to return home one night unannounced.” 

Shepherd flipped through the pages of his notes. “'I was careful about it'” he read “'booked the ticket under a false name, had the cab drop me off at the closest beach and walked the rest of the way. I knew where he kept the spare key, and the gun in his nightstand. I took care of him first, I made sure the pillow didn’t cover his eyes, I wanted him to see it was me. Mary was different, she was still asleep and I couldn’t bring myself to look at her so I pulled the sheet over her head before I shot. I wrapped everything up and put them out back, the tide took care of it from there. Then I went back to my place on the Mainland and waited to be contacted that they were missing.’ Interesting how you called it your ‘place’ and not ‘home’ Steven.” 

The anger that had been rising in his chest was boiling over, his body shook and he could feel the sheen of sweat on his forehead as he drew in shallow breaths. “My father,” Steve ground out “was murdered by a terrorist named Victor Hess. And if I hear my sister’s name come out of your mouth one more time I swear to God I will rip your throat out.” _When was the last time he had talked to Mary?_

“You killed them Steven. You’ve admitted it to me before. And then after you started renting out the family home and used it as hunting grounds, the perfect trap to make your victims come to you.” 

“Shut up!” 

“Why are you upset Steven?” 

“I don’t know who you are, or what you’re trying to pull but it’s not gonna work you hear me? My team is looking for me right now, they’re gonna find me, and they’re gonna find you and when they do it’s all over for you. You got that?” _Why haven’t they come all ready? Just how long was he out for? Hours? Days?_ He realized he didn’t know. 

“No one is coming for you Steven. You’re ‘team’ exists only in your mind.” Shepherd breathed a long sigh. “I was hoping we weren’t going to have to go this route again, but it seems to be the only way to get through to you any more.” 

Steve watched in heightened anticipation as Shepherd produced another folder and once again spread its contents out before him. 

**_NO!_**

“NO!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhhhmmmm, what did Shepherd have to show Steve to 'get through to him' and warrant that reaction from Super SEAL...? Hahaha mine is an evil laugh! Thanks for reading, please let me know what you think of the series so far, and my little pet 'big bad'.


	4. A Little Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team zeros in on a new lead that brings them one step closer to finding Steve, but they may be too late as the sinister ‘Dr. Shepherd’ draws Steve further down into the darkness of his own mind…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAUTION: Descriptions of Violence Begin At This Point. Nothing too bad, but if you’re a highly visual person who considers themselves squeamish or is easily upset by these sorts of things consider stopping right now. If you like you can even pop by my inbox and I’ll fill you in on how the story ends. Honestly though it’s not too far off from the level of violence we normally see on the show. 
> 
> Also I'd like to take a minute to remind readers that this was written and set roughly around mid Season 2, when Melia was still alive.

“I swear, I have no idea what you’re talking about!” McMillan insisted for the thousandth time. 

“You hear that Chin, he has no idea what we’re talking about, very original this one.” Danny went from pacing the interrogation room, to pushing within three inches of the young EMT’s face. They were close to breaking him, he could feel it. 

“Listen, Kyle, I’m gonna be honest with you, I have had better days, much better days that involve that have involved knee surgery, as a matter of fact, so now is really not the time to piss me off by lying. Especially stupid lying, when I personally saw you there, so just make this easy on yourself and tell us where Steve is. Huh?”

McMillan eyed him wearily but said nothing. Danny turned away momentarily, chuckling, before rounding on the perp and sucker punching him right in the jaw.

“Lt. Kelly, the suspect was attempting to break free of the restraints and I had to use necessary force to subdue him.”

“Duly noted.” Said Chin, coolly

McMillan spit no small amount of blood onto the floor. “You can’t do that!” he protested. 

“See that’s where you’re mistaken” it was Chin’s turn to go a round “It’s your word, against that of two cops. Meanwhile, you’re being held on suspicion of, at the very least, aiding in the kidnapping of a police officer. How well do you really think this is going to end for you?” 

McMillian remained silent, but a shadow passed infront of his eyes. They had him.

“Here’s how it’s going to go down” Chin explained with a deadly clam tone “You’re going to flip on your partner, tell us where Steve is, and what kind of condition you left him in. The quality of your answers will directly effect whether or not we tell the D.A. you were willing to cooperate, and then maybe, just maybe, you get out of prison before you’re fifty.”

“I think I’d like to speak to my lawyer.” was McMillian’s response.

“You know phone lines are tied up right now, it’s a busy place, you understand. But while you’re waiting I could give you another demonstration on procedure for suspects resisting arrest-“

“Danny.” Chin said holding a hand out to stop him from doing something he’d regret “I’ve got this.” Danny clenched his jaw, but nodded and huffed off to glare at McMillan from the corner while Chin rounded on him.

“Kyle, it’s over. We have the logs from your station stating that you took a Type II ambulance out for refueling this morning. Det. Williams has identified you as one of the kidnappers, and pretty soon our crime lab is going to come back with the GPS logs showing us everywhere you took that ambulance this morning. Your only chance here is to cooperate with us-“ 

They were interrupted by a knock on the door, Danny opened it a crack and seeing Kono on the other side opened it to let her in. 

“I just found something very interesting in our friend’s financials.” she said waving a sheet of paper in front of McMillan “It seems that at eleven o’clock this morning, Mr. McMillan received a wire transfer from an off shore account, to the tune of $25,000. Care to explain that?”

McMillan shook his head. “I don’t know.” 

“All right.” Danny said “All right, well let me tell you what I think. This island isn’t exactly a cheep place to live, trust me I am all too aware of that fact. And being a volunteer EMT isn’t exactly going to land you in an ocean view mansion in Diamond Head. So you know what I think, I think someone approached you with an offer. Offered you a lot of money to intercept any call concerning Lt. Commander Steve McGarrett, and deliver him. Not a complicated plan considering his track record. This is good news for you Kyle, because it means that I no longer care about you. You’re just the delivery boy, now my sole focused is on going after the person who hired you. So give me a name, and this can all be over.” 

“All right.” McMillan conceded dejectedly. “All right. A couple of weeks ago a message popped up on my phone, I have no idea how it got there, I just turned it on and there it was. I don’t know who sent it, that’s the truth, I mean it. But whoever it was offered me $50,000 to wait for a call on this day, to a specific address, and deliver the patient to a warehouse on Sand Island.”

“You only had $25,000 transferred into your account, looks like you got screwed.” 

‘No, I had the other $25,000 go to Jordy. Jordy Russell, he was working with me this morning, but I swear he only knows what I told him. I got us into this. Look man, you have to understand, I’m trying to become a full fledged paramedic, I’m drowning in student loans, I couldn’t say no to that kind of money!”

“Where exactly did the kidnapper instruct you to drop Steve off?” Kono snapped, eyeing McMillan sharply. 

“He sent the directions straight to the GPS on my phone, it should still be there. He also sent instructions that when we got there to park the bus, stay up front, hands on the dashboard and blindfolded ourselves. We were supposed to wait five minutes then drive away. I’m sorry, I really am, but that’s all I know.”

The team exchanged looks with one another and silently agreed, McMillan was telling the truth.

“Please, if it means anything, you’re friend’s ok.”

“What do you mean?” Danny said rounding on him.

“Two days ago, I got a package with an unmarked vial. The instructions said that the patient would be suffering from toxic exposure and the vial contained an antidote to reverse the effects, that it was to be administered immediately upon securing the patient. It worked. By the time we go to Sand Island, Jordy said his fever was down a whole 3.7 degrees and his VP was regulating. He was ok when we left him.”

“For your sake, you’d better hope he stays that way.” Chin hissed. As the three of them left the room and headed for the elevator he turned to them.

“All right Kono, get the address off the phone, Danny call HPD, have them pick up this Jordy Russell and take him into custody, then meet us there. I doubt the kidnapper is holding Steve at the same warehouse as the drop point, but just incase we need back up.”

They rode the elevator back up to the main floor in silence, each lost in the same thought. _Please let him be ok _.__

****************************************** 

"Steven?” Shepherd’s voice drifted across the din. 

Steve barely registered it. _Lock it down. LOCK-IT-DOWN! Lo-OH my God! No! Please, please no!_ He couldn’t focus, his head was spinning at a thousand miles an hour, his heart threatened to smash through his chest, he couldn’t breath, he couldn’t breath. The air was gone from his lungs never to return. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut as he lost control of the sudden urge to vomit, though all that came up were agonizing dry heaves, viciously robbing him of what little oxygen he didn’t have. 

“Steven, open you’re eyes.” Shepherd commanded. Without thinking, Steve obeyed, blinking away the moisture clouding is vision, so he could focus his hatred on the monster in front of him. 

“I kill you.” his shaky whisper turning into a full forced scream that tore at his throat the way his heart felt torn from his body. “You Son Of A Bitch! I’m Gonna Tear You Apart Limb From Limb! I’LL KILL YOU!” 

“I understand that you upset Steven.” Shepherd intoned quietly. “You preserved them so well, all the damage still visible. The damage you inflicted.” Shepherd picked up the crime scene photos one by one, holding them up for Steve to see. Each one as he spoke their names. 

“Det. Chin Ho Kelly, a police officer, just like your father, though never his partner as you fanaticized. You beat him with a blunt force object, and made him watch you work before snapping his neck. He was renting the house with his soon to be wife, Dr. Malia Waincroft; you punctured holes in her major arteries, so that she would bleed out slowly. Det. Kelly’s younger cousin, Kono Kalakaua, was unfortunately spending the weekend with them when you arrived. You tortured her with an electric current for hours before ending her suffering.” 

Steve shook his head violently. _No…it’s not true…no…if he could only catch his breath….no….no, no, no, no….._ ”No. It’s not real. You’re lying. It’s not true. It can't....they're not....WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM?” 

"Not what I did Steven, what you did." Shepherd continued with the gruesome photo display. "Then there was Det. Danny Williams. He had rented the house for a dream vacation with his wife and daughter. Much like Det. Kelly, you beat Det. Williams mercilessly and asphyxiated him with a wet washcloth. But not before forcing him to witness you putting a bullet in his eight year old daughter’s skull." 

“NO!” Steve howled “Stop it! Please! Please stop! No!” His eyes burned, he was going to be sick again. “Oh god…Gracie….please, no….” 

“A bit of a disappoint, you might recall, at least that’s how you told it to me the last time. Det. William’s wife, Rachel, was delayed on business when you came to the house. I believe that’s why you cast her as something of a villain in your fantasies. A policeman, his wife, and their little girl, happy families, just like yours, Steven. That was your pattern. And then there was her.” Shepherd held up one last photo. 

“Let’s talk about her, Catherine. Everything changed when you met her didn’t it Steven? The killing stopped. The two of you actually moved into the house together. Catherine is the piece to the puzzle that has never quite fit. Friends who were close to her said the two of you seemed to be heading towards marriage. You loved her Steven. Even though you don’t say it in so many words I know that you did. You could have had everything you’ve ever wanted with her, so why Steven? Why, when you had been so careful before? You had to have known that as her boyfriend you would be the first suspect, especially with all the prior disappearances linked to you and your house. You had to have known that this time you’d be caught. So why did you kill her?” 

A shudder ran through Steve’s whole body, adrenaline kicked into over-drive as the impulse to get his hands around Shepherd’s throat became all-consuming. As he jerked and lashed against the tight restraints, his mind suddenly shot back: 

_He was in his kitchen, Cath was standing in front of the window, chopping vegetables for dinner, she turned to him, her smile light up the room like the blinding rays of the setting sun outside. ‘Hey you, wanna come give me a hand?’ He braced his legs on either side of her and drew her back close to him. He could feel the soft press of her cheek against his, smell the sweet scent of her hair, he buried his nose against the delicate skin where her collarbone met her neck, and she sighed and relaxed against him. Only for a moment until her body went ridged. She let out a small gasp of pain and surprise, turning to face him, eyes wide with disbelief and, perhaps, just a little bit of fear. “Steve?” she gasped as her hands encircled her stomach, the kitchen knife half protruding from the center. Her beautiful brown eyes dulled and rolled back as she fell forward into his arms. He lowered her to the floor and cradled her there, his nose pressed to her forehead, fingers softly tracing little patterns in the warm, sticky, bloom rushing from her core…_

Steve was sobbing. Rocking back and forth as much as the confines of the chair would allow him. “I’m sorry.” he muttered under his breath “Cath, baby, I’m sorry.” 

“Speak up please Steven. I can’t hear you.” 

“She was going to leave me” Steve jerked out, trying to gulp down air at the same time. “Everyone always leaves me in the end. She was going to leave and-and I knew it would kill me- and I couldn’t- I couldn’t let- so I-“ 

“So you killed her first, to protect yourself.” Shepherd concluded. Steve nodded. “I need you to say it out loud Steven. Acknowledge what you’ve done.” 

“Yes.” Steve sobbed. “I-I killed her-I killed them all. Oh god-I’m so sorry-I’m so sorry-Please-I’m sorry!” 

“I believe you Steven. I think that deep down you truly do want to be that good person you live through in you mind. You have a chance to do that now, but it’s not going to be easy.” 

“Tell me.” Steve begged “Tell me what to do, I’ll do anything…I’m so sorry.” 

“You and I have come to this break through point once before Steven, but you weren’t strong enough to face it. You allowed your subconscious to drag you back into your delusion. These’s ‘friends’ of yours are a defense mechanism created by your subconcious mind to shield you from the pain of reality; Danny, Chin, and Kono, especially are your greatest defenders. If you want to be free, then you have to get rid of them once and for all Steven. Only then will you be able to stand trial, only then will your victims get justice, and only then can your conscious be cleared.” 

“How do I do it?” Steve pleaded, “How do I get rid of them so they won’t come back?” 

“First you have to want to Steven. You’ve been hanging on to them for so long. They’re your security net. Making them go away won’t be easy. First you have to make the conscious choice to do so, then only you can guide yourself from there.” Shepherd glanced down at his watch. “I think this is a good place to leave our session for today. I’m going to administer a sedative and then the orderlies with transport you back to your cell. In the mean time I want you to think on what I said Steven. The next time we meet I want to know that you’ve put these delusions behind you once and for all.” 

Steve nodded weakly. He didn’t move as Shepherd withdrew a syringe from his pocket, and clasped him briefly on the shoulder before pushing the needle into his arm. Steve only closed his eyes and allowed himself to be swallowed up by the merciful blackness. 


	5. Come Quick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team finally closes in on Steve’s location, but might be too late to save him.

The warehouse door banged open with a crash

_“Five-0!”_

Danny rushed in, gun drawn, closely followed by Chin, with Kono bringing up the rear. They fanned out aiming their weapons into the empty corners of the wide-open space. 

“Clear.” Danny said dejectedly. It had been a long shot to being with, but he’d foolishly allowed himself to hope against hope that they’d find Steve here, alive and unharmed. He holstered his gun and cast his eyes to the floor, where he saw it. 

“Guys!” Danny called, quickly retrieving the manila envelope from the floor. Wide letters written in black marker addressed it to Five-0. 

Kono and Chin looked over his shoulder as Danny carefully tore open the envelope. They stared in silence for a moment; inside was a single Polaroid showing Steve’s limp form, crumpled up in the back of a white van. The same thick, black marker, letters formed the words: ‘ **Come quick** ’ at the bottom, next to an arrow. Danny flipped the picture over, an address had been written on the back. 

“I know that place.” said Chin gravely “It’s over in Pearl City, mostly office spaces, but it was built over a WWII storage bunker. Off-limits to the public and not well known, perfect place to hide someone.” 

“Also the perfect place to lure someone into a trap.” Danny agreed solemnly. 

Kono bit her lip. “It’s going to take SWAT at least half an hour to mobilize and get over there.” 

None of them needed to say it, the message had told them to come. The kidnapper was toying with them, possibly watching them, and no one was prepared to take the chance that Steve didn’t have an extra thirty minutes. 

Danny spoke up first. “Kono’s right. I can’t believe I’m about to say this but we’re taking a page out of the McGarrett playbook, back-up will get there when it get’s there. Let’s go.” 

************************************ 

Steve’s limbs felt like lead, his whole body heavy, especially his chest. He allowed himself to linger in the twilight between sleep and consciousness; he had little will to do much else. The session with Dr. Shepherd slammed around in his brain, he wanted so badly to lock it down, make it go away. _That won’t work though, he’s not a Navy SEAL, he never had that sort of training, he doesn’t’ have that will power._

Steve swallowed with difficulty, Dr. Shepherd told him he needed to be strong, stronger than his delusions, stronger than his own mind, but he wasn’t sure if he could. In the depths of his heart, he secretly wanted them to come back. He wanted his friends. _No, his delusions, he couldn’t keep thinking that way._ He wanted them to comfort him, to ease the plain wracking his body and clawing at his soul, he felt that if they were there he might be able to breath properly again…. 

BANG 

“ _Five-0!_ ” 

And there it was. The familiar shout following the crash of a door being kicked open. _It’s not real; you know it’s not real_. He mentally shook himself, scolding himself for his foolish weakness; but he wanted to be with them just one last time. 

Another crash, closer and louder, the door to his room being forced open, _he’d probably done something to attract the orderlies. Exactly what, he wasn’t sure_. But he didn’t want it to be the orderlies, so his mind supplied him with… 

“Steve!” he heard in Kono’s frantic gasp. _No, not Kono._ ‘His _Kono’. The real Kono is…_ “Guys in here, I’ve got eyes on Steve!” 

_His_ Kono dropped down beside him, gently patting the side of his face trying to rouse him. 

“Boss? Boss are you ok?” 

‘Boss.’ He’d always loved that little term of endearment. 

“Steve? Hey, Steve, come on wake up!” 

Her fingers pressed softly into the side of his neck, checking his pulse, _no the orderlies were…or maybe it was a nurse…but it’s not Kono…no,_ His _Kono…._

He could smell a faint trace of the coconut-scented soap she used. _God he was so weak. Dr. Shepherd was right, he didn’t want to let go._

“This is Officer Kalakaua, I need EMS rushed to the scene, officer down. I repeat, officer down, rush EMS…Steve? Steve can you hear me?” 

“Kono?” And now there was _His_ Chin’s voice. 

“In here!” 

He could sense whoever it was he was replacing _His_ Chin for…. _selfish, weak, bastard, he can’t deny himself this_ … drop down beside him. His imagination provided the familiar weight of _His_ Chin’s steady gaze.

“Is he all right?” 

“I’m not sure, his pulse feels slow but I can’t tell.” 

“Let me check. I’ve picked up a thing or two from Malia.” 

Stronger finger pressed into his neck. _Let it go….these are not signs of care…these are not his friends…these are hospital staff doing their job…it’s their job to keep him alive….no one here cares…._

“Steve!” 

He’d been wondering when he’d show up. Just like _His_ Danny to keep him waiting. But still he came, now they were all there, now he could say good-bye, _just a few more minutes_ … 

“What’s wrong with him?” he swore he could actually feel _His_ Danny’s warm breath as he leaned over him, knee pressing almost painfully against his shoulder. 

“Not sure, I don’t see any obvious injuries, but his pulse is sluggish and he’s not breathing well” _His_ Chin was patting him down carefully, gently, look for wounds or broken bones, something to explain what happened. 

“Ambulance is on the way, two minutes out.” _His_ Kono’s small hands rubbed his abased wrist softly. 

Steve wanted nothing more than to relax into the comfort of their presence, but then hands were on his face, at his eyelids, they were going to be pried open…trauma check… _no, no-not-yet-please-please-not-yet…If his eyes open they’ll be gone…he’s not ready…not yet…_

Steve lurched forward and up with all the strength he had left, breaking free of the hands covering him. He ignored the confused and concerned shouts behind him, keeping his back to them… _it can stay real if he doesn’t look_ …but the sudden movement sends a rush of blood to his head, making his dizzy. The earth spins wildly underneath him, throwing him off balance, hurling him to the ground below, the darkness rising up to meet him. …. “Steve!-“ “Steve!-“ “Steve!-“ They’d all been too caught off guard by Steve’s sudden return to consciousness to prevent his head from colliding with the concrete floor as he fell. They surged forward, resuming their positions at his side. 

“Jesus, Steve…” Danny whispered, carefully lifting his partner’s head, relieved at the very least that there was no blood. _Thank god for that thick skull…for once._

Chin had removed his TAC vest and slid it carefully underneath Steve’s head as Danny laid it down. Kono held tight to Steve’s hand, eyes full of uncertainty. “What was that?” She asked, looking from Chin to Danny. 

>Chin shook his head “I’m not sure, but I’m starting to think he might have been drugged.” 

At that moment a team of medics bustled into the room and swarmed around Steve. Danny took comfort in the fact that they all looked vaguely familiar. _God their lives are so fucked-up._

The team hovered as close as they could without getting in the way as the medics placed an oxygen mask over Steve’s face and exchanged unsettling phrases like ‘Uneven respiration’ and ‘Irregular heartbeat’. They quickly loaded him onto a gurney and prepared for transport. Danny shot forward and placed a protective hand on Steve’s head. 

"I’m coming with him.” He told the medics, willing to fight tooth and nail into that ambulance if he had to. _No way he’s leaving Steve’s side this time. No way._

But the paramedics just nodded. 

“Of course Detective. Let’s go.” 

“Which hospital is he being taken too?” Danny asked the medic closest to him. _No fuck ups this time. Not again._

“Tripler. ETA’s seven minutes.” the man replied. 

“We’ll meet you there, brah.” Chin called as Danny rounded the corner with the paramedics, his hand still glued to the top of Steve’s head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! They found Steve, everything gonna be ok now, right? Right......?


	6. Now or Never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team rescues Steve from his kidnapper (or so they think), but have no idea the person Steve really needs rescuing from is himself as his delusions become more and more sever, leading him down a dangerous path…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caution: Descriptions of Violence on Level With Some of the More Nasty Episodes We’ve Seen on the Show, and by that I mean this is the part where poor baby Stevie has hallucinogenic, fake flashbacks of murdering his Ohana. Ye hath been warned.

Steve woke to the realization of two things; he was in the hospital, (the beeping heart monitor and signature smell gave that away), and he was alone. He shifted gingerly on the mattress, he didn’t feel better exactly, but his body was easier to move. He wondered briefly for a moment why he wasn’t tied down, but decided it didn’t matter. It made what he needed to do less difficult.

Grudgingly he opened his eyes, squinting against the florescent light for a moment, unclipped the Pulse-Ox from his finger and with a shuttering breath pulled the IV line from his hand. With another shaky breath he swung his legs over the side of the bed and looked around. He was alone, for now, but they would be back. This time he would make sure he was in control.

Steve crept to the door and peered up and down the hallway. _Empty. Where’s the guard?_ It seemed strange, but he shook his head, _one less obstacle to get around_. He slipped into the hall, carefully and quietly, keeping his head down. Around one corner, then another, if he did pass other people they took no notice, or made any effort to stop him. At last he found what he was looking for. 

_Good, no one here._

Thankful his good luck had held up so far, Steve slipped into the staff locker room, pilfered a clean pair of hospital scrubs from a bin and hastily changed into them. They were on the short side, but they would do. He checked through the open lockers and found a pair of shoes his size. He then rifled through the pockets of several pairs of clothes before he found enough cash. _He was all ready a killer; why not tack on a little petty theft to his record_. 

Just as he was lacing up the stolen tennis shoes, Steve heard someone approaching the door and darted into the adjoining restroom. He locked himself into one of the stalls, sat down and waited quietly. He could hear the clacking of keys on a cell phone and cured under his breath. He only had few minutes before someone realized he was missing and sounded the alarm. For a moment he considered taking the guy out. It wouldn’t take much effort; he had the element of surprise to his advantage- _no. No he was done. He wasn’t going to hurt anyone. Not ever again. He can be that good person. He can be stronger than this…_ Footsteps, then the door opened and closed with a soft snap. A quick check confirmed that the coast was clear, and not wasting any more time he slipped out of the locker room, down the hall, and into a side stairwell. 

The next thing he knew a cab driver was waving him in, around the corner from the hospital. 

“Evening” the driver said as Steve slid into the back seat.

“Hello.” Steve replied quietly before becoming very interested in what was going on outside the window.

“Where to?” When Steve didn’t reply the driver cleared his throat. “Sir?”

“Oh sorry. 2727 Piikoi St. please.”

“Long day?” the driver inquired sympathetically, taking note of the hospital scrubs. 

“Something like that.” 

….. 

The three of them sat in the waiting room in silence. Chin and Kono had joined Danny not long after they’d taken Steve for various tests and he’d been sent out here to wait, assuring him that Duke was on the scene and personally overseeing CSU. The kidnapper was long gone. 

“Det. Williams”

Danny looked over to see Steve’s doctor waiting at the entrance. The team practically vaulted out of their chairs and over to meet him.

“Hey, Doc, how is?” Danny asked as patiently as he could, he hadn’t exactly been thrilled with the idea of being separated from Steve after today, even for a second.

“Commander McGarrett’s in stable condition. No broken bones or internal bleeding that we’ve detected. The CT scan revealed a mild concussion, but he was lucky and there was no serious damage. We’re still waiting on the blood work results however. You said you have good reason to believe he was exposed to a toxin recently?” 

“Yeah, and, ah, we think he might have been drugged with something as well.” Danny said.

The doctor made a note on his charts.

“We’ve started him on IV fluids, which should help to flush out anything in his system, also we’ve administered a mild sedative. The best we can do for right now is to keep him hydrated and let him rest.” the doctor informed them.

“How long do you think he’ll have to stay here for?” Chin asked as he exchanged a knowing glance with Danny. That would be one of Steve’s first questions when he woke-up.

“I can’t say for sure right now. We’re going to keep him at least over night for observation. We’ll know more when his blood work comes back.”

“Can we see him?” Kono asked softly.

“Of course, I’ll have one of the nurses show you to his room.”

“Great. Thank you.” Danny said letting out a long, low breath.

Chin clapped him lightly on the shoulder, and Danny in turn reached out to squeeze Kono’s hand. After a day like this it was light, little touches like that, that held them together. A tactile reminder that their little family was safe and whole. They followed a smiling nurse through the corridors to Steve’s room, however when they filed inside-

“Excuse me” Danny said, halting the nurse as she was making her way back down the hall “Sorry but do you know if Steve McGarrett was taken for more tests? The doc said they brought him back to his room, but he’s not there.”

The nurse frowned at him. “I don’t believe so.” she said, reaching up next to the door for Steve’s chart “I don’t see anymore tests having been ordered. Let me check with the doctor.”

“You might want to go ahead and inform security too.” Chin said heavily “Tell them we have a missing patient.” 

The nurse nodded and bustled from the room.

“You don’t think-“ Kono began.

“That he woke up and bolted?” Chin said “It’s hard enough getting Steve to stay in a hospital under normal circumstances.”

“Right and this is Steve, the guy needs a weeks worth of horse tranquilizers, not a sedative.” Danny shook his head “We need to split up and look for him. He’s probably confused so he’s gonna go somewhere he feels safe. Chin you head back to head quarters, see if he turns up and put out an updated APB, Kono check the beaches, you know his favorite surf spots better than anyone, I’ll check his house. Call if you find him, with any luck he won’t have gotten to far.” 

…. 

“Mahalo” Steve said, handing the driver his fare as he pulled up in front of the house. He stepped carefully out of the cab and took as much time as he could, without drawing suspicion, making his way towards the front path. Once he was sure the cab had driven off a safe distance he quickly changed course and headed for the side of the house, ducking low and using the tree line for cover. He made his way carefully around the side of the white house, wondering vaguely who lived there now, when his foot hit something protruding from the soft ground. 

There it was, he’d forgotten all about it until now, a flat paver, decorated with bits of sea glass around the edges and bearing the tiny hand prints of _‘Stevie, age 7’_ and _‘Mary Ann, age 2’_. And just like that- 

_He was inside the dark house, everything still and silent. He moved soundlessly up the stairs and into the bedroom. The old man was snoring, his mouth slightly open. He could still smell a trace of whisky from empty glass on the bedside table. He moved like a phantom to the side of the bed and contemplated his father’s sleeping form. A seething rage coiled tightly in his chest. The bastard had brought this upon himself, he should have been the one driving the car that night…but it didn’t matter now. In the space between his father’s sleep heavy breaths he’d grabbed the pillow…his mother’s pillow… and forced it over the old tyrant’s mouth and nose. The old man’s muffled, confused cry of ‘Steve’ only made him press down harder. His father tried to fight of course, but he was a half drunk old man and no match for the muscular arms he’d honed during those long years at the Academy. The deed was done almost too quickly to be satisfying…The Sig was in the nightstand drawer where it always was, fully loaded and ready. He took it down the hall. Mary was still sleeping peacefully, safe and snug her in bed, in her room, in the home she’d never been forced out of like she was nothing…As he raised the gun, she shifted in her sleep, the moonlight catching her face. She was older than the last time he’d seen her, but still so young…innocent…his baby sister…but there was no way out of it now. He carefully lifted the sheet and draped it over her head. There. Now there was nothing to it but to squeeze-_

Steve felt his knees collide with the grass. He was dizzy again, heart going much too fast for his lungs to catch up. He wanted to close his eyes to steady himself, but he was terrified of what he might see. After a long minute he was finally able to pick himself off the ground and move forward again. 

He made it to the back of the house and stealthy moved onto the lani, peering into the back windows. The house was dark, all the blinds drawn, it almost seemed to echo with an eerie stillness. _Maybe no one lives here anymore_. The furniture he could see was exactly the same as he remembered it, right down to the placement. His eyes lingered on the dinning room chairs- 

_Her high-pitched screams reverberated around the room. The neighbors wouldn’t hear them of course. He’d taken great care to sound proof the walls. He casually flipped the dial and watched as the girl’s body went limp, like a rag doll flung to the ground by a petulant child. ‘Leave her alone!’ the man’s furious cries were relentless, it was starting to grate his nerves, ‘You son of a bitch! Leave her alone and deal with me!’-he grated the man’s request with a sharp blow to the side of his angular face, satisfied by the flicks of blood that decorated the air for a spilt second after contact…cops were all the same: noble, self-sacrificing, hero types, each and every one. He wasn’t going to let the man off that easy. ‘Chin..?’ the girl called out wearily. He felt something inside him twist at the way the man’s voice gentled, dropping a full octave as he spoke to her. ‘Kono it’s gonna be ok. I’m right here, ok? I’m right here. We’re gonna get out of here but you just need to hang on for me, ok Cuz?’ He’d rewarded that stupid false promise with another, harder blow. ‘Chin-’ the girl whined aging, this time managing to life her head up to look from the man, to the woman who was completing their little triangle; a stoke of brilliance on his part, angling the chairs just so, so they could all see…the man had followed the girl’s gaze over to the woman, silent and still- he realized he hadn’t heard her whimpering pleas of ‘Stop it! Don’t hurt them!’ the last time he’d turned on the current and the girl started shrieking…the ropes were the only thing holding her up now, the dark stain pooled around her feet. He contemplated her for a moment, she’d lasted long than he’d expected, her obvious distress over watching him work with the man and the girl, blood pumping hard, seeping out of the careful slits as she struggled to get lose. ‘Malia? Malia honey wake-up! Baby, open your eyes! MALIA!’ The man was yelling again, it was really starting to annoy. ‘You son of bitch! I’ll kill you I swear to god I’m gonna kill you!’ The girl had finally started to cry. She was another surprise, being not much older than his precious baby sister; he’d expected her to break almost instantly. Instead she held his gaze, stoic and defiant, he almost admired her. Still, he had what he wanted now, now he’d give the man something to really yell about. He went over the table where the Sig lay, friendly and waiting, he stood close to the girl, making a show of releasing the safety. ‘No! NO PLEASE! Don’t do this!’-… ‘Cuz‘-…’Kono it’s ok, it’s gonna be ok’-…‘I love you’. He took that, her final sob as his cue. BANG. The warm spatter was almost soothing as it hit him. ‘KONO!’ The man screamed his last. His body was trembling, though not with fear, he knew the man no longer cared what happens to him from this point, his head hung low, the sign of a defeated, broken, man. He took his time in polishing any traces of blood from the Sig, before casually approaching the man’s chair. He placed a hand in the thick dark hair, a mocking jester of comfort, before seizing a handful and twisting until he heard the SNAP-_

Steve’s eyes flew open. He labored to suck in oxygen, but his lungs rebelled painfully. He head was spinning and he had to buried his face in his hands for a moment, subsequently clearing it of the wetness that had smeared across his cheeks. He leaned against the whitewashed walls and forced himself to stand. _Come on. It’s now or never_. He walked as best he could on unsteady feet across the yard, down the little slope to where grass changed to sand, and then sand to the light lapping of waves. 

The sun was setting brilliantly across the ocean, sea and sky a vibrant, sultry orange. He kicked off the pilfered tennis shoes, but didn’t bother to remove the hospital scrubs, _the feeling of a little extra weight in the water would help kick his senses into gear._

He stepped carefully into the surf, the water warm and falsely familiar, in his pretend life as a SEAL the ocean would always call him home in times of need, a constant force there to sooth him for a time. But now he vaguely wondered if he could even swim. _No matter, he wouldn’t have to go in very far._ And sure as the tide rushing around him, he was barley knee deep before it came ringing loud and clear through the still evening air: 

“WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?”

He smiled sadly to himself. _Of course it would be Danny. No-HIS Danny_. Who else would his mind bring when his world was threatening to tear apart at the seams? But he was ready. _No other choice. It’s now or never_. 

“Steve? Steven? What the hell do you think your doing? Huh? Have you actually lost your mind? Steve? Answer me!”

He imagined _His_ Danny was splashing towards him in a huff, barging in front of him, one strong hand pulling at his arm, the other waving wildly, before both tightened a grip just above his elbows. 

“Steve?” _His_ Danny said, much more gentaly “Buddy, I’m talking to you, can you hear me?”

Steve nodded. He could hear _His_ Danny, and that was the problem.

 _His_ Danny breathed a sigh of relief “Ok good. Look, I appreciate that your Super SEAL instincts compel you to swim every four hours, but that is no excuse for running away from the hospital and giving me heart attack-and-a-half. Now come on, I’m taking you concussed ass back to the ER where it should have been the whole time and cuffing you to the bed if I have to, so help me god, Steven.” 

Steve allowed the dream of _His_ Danny to drag him onto the beach, full rant mode engaged. It was becoming too much to take. _Be strong…fight this.. fight it god damn it-it’s now or never_. He opened his mouth but all that escaped was a small sob. 

_His_ Danny turned to him, hands bracing his arms again, eyes full of soft concern. “Steve, what’s wrong? Hey, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Go away.” Steve managed to mutter weakly. The words practically seared his throat, but they were out.

“Not gonna happen partner.” _His_ Danny said shaking his head with a small smile, “Come on, you need to be lying down.”

“No!” Steve said, more forcefully this time. And though the act of it physically felt like it was killing him, he pushed _His_ Danny away. “No, you can’t stay. I can’t keep you anymore. I have to face what I did. I have to be strong.” The wetness was soaking his cheeks again. 

“Babe- you’re not making any sense. What’s going on? Is your fever back“ _His_ Danny crooned, carefully trying to place a hand to his face, but Steve ducked it clumsily. The momentum sent him to his knees again. Gripping at the sand uselessly, trying to gain purchase, Steve squeezed his eyes shut tight, allowing himself a moment to escape before the next blow.

“You have to go. You have to go and take the others with you” he said, his breathing labored again, any minute now his head would start swimming… _now or never_ ….He opened his eyes to see _His_ Danny’s crystalline blues staring back at him. “I’m sorry” he gulped “I’m sorry for what I did. But that’s why you can’t be here, none of you can. I have to face what I did. They have to know that I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? Sorry for what? Steve your scaring me-“

Suddenly a wave of sharp pain shot through his constricting chest, his heart raced as he fought back an onslaught of nauseas. His brain was spinning in his skull forcing his eyes closed. 

_‘Daddy!’-….’No! Not my daughter, please! Please I’ll do anything! Anything! Just don’t hurt my daughter!’_

“Steve! Steve can you hear me?” 

_The man had put up quite the fight, but he seemed much more subdued now that he’d dragged the little girl from her hiding spot. No longer lashing against the ropes, now he was pleading. This was too easy: easy as slamming the little girl into the chair and restraining her. ‘Danno!’ It took him a moment to realize the terrified plea was an address to the man._

“Steve. Steve, come on, open your eyes. Stay with me. Open you eyes.”

 _‘It’s ok Monkey. It’s gonna be ok.’ All cops are the same. ‘I love you so much. It’s gonna be ok…Please, please I’m begging you. Do whatever you want to me, just let her go. Please. Please don’t hurt my little girl.’ Noble, self-sacrificing, hero types. ‘Danno-’ the little girl sobbed again, partly out of fear and partly in reaction to the blood running down her father’s battered face. ‘Hey, Monkey, look at me. Look right at me ok? Nowhere else. Hey- everything’s gonna be ok, all right. Danno loves you so much, you know that right? It’s gonna be ok.’ He stood back, observing the special world that existed exclusively between father and daughter. Tonight was an utter disappointment. First the woman wasn’t there and now everything is being drawn out to quickly for him to enjoy it. He may as well cut his losses now, there’s no chance of the woman turning up this late._

“Come on Steve I need you to talk to me.”

_He lazily retrieved the Sig from the table, he couldn’t even be bothered with close rage for this, the appeal was gone. BANG_

“Oh my god! No! No! Please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” the urge to vomit was hitting him again.

“Steve…please…Babe just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll make it better. I promise. But you’ve gotta talk to me-” 

_‘NOOOOO!’ The scream that seemed to have been torn from the man’s very soul kept the night from being a total waste of time. He sat at a distance and watched closely as the man utterly disintegrated before him, muttering a combination of ‘no’s and ‘Grace’s on a loop. It made him wonder if he’d made a mistake, perhaps he should have done Mary first, his father’s reaction would have been incredibly satisfying. The man didn’t shift when he spoke again, just kept his head down and continued to sob, but somehow the connection was still made, as if the man were looking him square in the eye. It was almost unsettling. “Please, I know you’re gonna kill me. I don’t care, do what ever you want, I don’t care. Just…just let me hold her…I won’t fight back, I swear…just let me hold my baby.” He contemplated the words. The man was genuine, and it might be a sight worth seeing…he loosened the ropes just enough to bind the man’s hands in front of him; true to his word, the man didn’t fight. He then untied the little girl’s body and placed her into the crook of the man’s awaiting arms. The man looked at him for a moment, a soft look of thanks for the small act of mercy, before cradling the little girl close and burying a kiss into her hair._

"I have to do it. Now over never. Goodbye Danny.” 

“What are you talking about? Steve? What do you mean ‘goodbye’?”

 _The man was in that same position when he returned from the kitchen, wet rag in hand. He barley had to make an effort in tilting the man’s head back and forcing the cloth over his mouth and nose, suffocating him…._

Steve was suffocating too…it was all becoming too much…it felt like death…but it couldn’t be…he deserved far worse than this…the blackness was coming to claim him again and he surrendered to it, at least confident in the fact that he couldn’t hear _His_ Danny anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know where I came up with this, normally I’m an actual Disney Princess, apparently I have an alter ego who knows how to write about violence, and what goes on in the brains of serial killers, and has tea with Steven Moffat every Wednesday. So, yeah, I’m so sorry.


	7. Danny....?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I now present the dramatic climax to our story! Thank you to everyone who’s been following it!

“Danny?” he heard Chin calling from downstairs.

“Up here!” Danny called back. He was kneeling on the floor next to Steve’s bed, focused intently on the present task of getting an unconscious Steve toweled off and into dry clothes. _Stupid, reckless, idiot, deciding to drag his concussion into the Pacific Ocean. He could have drowned…_ but there was something else to it. Danny shuddered and suppressed the vivid memories of Steve’s unintelligible behavior on the beach, along with the idea that had he gotten there a few minutes later, Steve very well could have passed out in the water. He was pulling a clean t-shirt over Steve’s head and arms when Chin and Kono’s hurried footsteps entered the room.

“Danny what happened?”

“Is he ok?” 

Danny shook his head. “He’s not doing to good. I can’t tell if his fever’s back or not, little side effect from his deciding the best cure for toxic exposure and a concussion in the same day is a dip in the ocean.” He jerked his head indicating the pile of wet hospital scrubs and towel. 

“Shouldn’t we be getting him back to the hospital” Kono asked, biting her lip.

“I don’t think the best idea right now. Here, help me get him into bed, I’ll explain down stairs.”

Chin helped Danny hoist Steve’s limp form up from its seated position at the foot of the bed, while Kono hastily pulled back the sheets. Once they had Steve laying comfortably and covered up, Danny motioned for the others to follow him down stairs. He was exhausted, physically and emotionally. His neck, shoulders, and back ached from dragging 190 lbs. of dead-weight Navy SEAL across the yard and up a flight of stairs. _God, what wouldn’t he do for Steve? Honestly, not much. Especially when he’s sick or hurting like this…_

They gathered in the living room, Chin and Kono looking intently at Danny for an explanation.

“He tried to go for a swim?” Chin finally asked, even he seemed surprised by Steve’s lack of regard for his own well being this time. 

“I don’t know.” Danny said, pinching the bridge of his nose “Maybe. When I found him he was wading into the ocean, I had to drag him out of there- it was like…Something was seriously wrong. I’m not sure what, but Steve was out of his mind about something. I had to wrestle him to shore, and then he said all this weird stuff and passes out.” 

“What kind of weird stuff?” Kono pressed him.

“I don’t know, he wasn’t making any sense. He kept telling me I ‘have to go away’, and saying he was sorry about something over and over. I’ve never seen Steve lose it like that before, it was, well, to be honest it was terrifying.”

They all stood in somber silence, helplessly unsure of how to proceed. One thing was clear however, they all were going to stay put for as long as it took; Steve was theirs every bit as much as they were his.

The silence was broken by a shrill tone from Kono’s cell phone, signaling an incoming video call.

“It’s Fong.” she said glancing at the screen as she swiped her finger across it to answer. “Hey Charlie, you’ve got all of us here.”

Danny and Chin shifted closer to Kono so they could see the screen, Fong’s face looked back at them, uncharacteristically lined with worry. 

“Hey guys, how’s Steve doing?”

“Well, he’s safe, so that’s all that matters. Charlie, please tell us you found something.” Chin said. 

Fong looked away from his camera in uneasy silence, as if trying to chose his words carefully. “You sure Steve’s all right? He hasn’t been acting strangely? No hallucinations, blacking out, trouble breathing?”

“How’d you know?” Danny said dumbfounded.

Kono threw him a sharp glare. “You didn’t say he was having trouble breathing! Charlie, what’s going on, do you know something? 

“Unfortunately, yes.” he replied grimily “The kidnapper was smart. Not just smart, clever, he didn’t leave any trace evidence we’ve found so far, but he left enough to paint a pretty clear picture of what went on…it’s like he wanted us to know exactly what he did to McGarrett.” Fong sighed heavily “You all might want to sit down for this. Where are you by the way?” 

“McGarrett’s house, we’re fine Charlie just go ahead.” Chin urged.

“Well the first thing is the hospital sent over the results of Steve’s blood work. They found high doses of Ketamine, Scopolamine, and Adrenaline in his system. From the analysis it looks like it was a carefully formulated cocktail using the Ketamine and Scopolamine to make him compliant, and the Adrenaline to counteract the depressive effects. Whoever dosed Steve wanted him conscious, but the combination would have made him extremely susceptible to suggestion. Essentially, he was creating and keeping Steve in a controlled delusional state.” 

“Ok I’m not following. What does any of that mean in English, please?” Danny said.

“My best guess, drug induced, psychological torture.” Fong said with a grimace. “Have anyone of you ever heard of the 'Arkham Theory?'” 

“The one where Bruce Wayne became a serial killer after witnessing his parents’ murdered, and is really a patient in Arkham Asylum, the villains are actually his doctors, nurses, and orderlies, and being Batman is all part of his psychotic break with reality?” Kono answered. 

“What does any of that have to do with Steve?” Danny interjected.

Fong held up several evidence bags containing file folders in response. “Do you have your tablet with you? You need to see these for yourselves…I sent the copies over.” 

“I’ve got it.” Chin rushed to retrieve the discarded bag by the door and returned with the tablet. He opened the most recent share file addressed from the crime lab. As they scrolled numbly through the images, it was like the air was gone from the room. No one seemed to breath as the sickening reality settled over them. 

“There was another page but…” Fong spoke reluctantly again “Danny you should know…this one was of Grace…I…you don’t need to see it.” Danny turned away, pinching the bridge of his nose until no one could see him squeeze his eyes shut and press a shaking hand over his mouth.

“Where did he get the pictures?” Kono demanded in a strangely small voice “Not…not _those_ one’s, those are obviously photoshopped- I mean it’s a very good photoshop…but…” 

“Our personal ones, of our families.” Chin finished for her in a strangled voice. 

“Your social media accounts. They were all your profile pictures at one point. That’s how he got them.”

Danny took in a gasping breath and turned back around. “Right. Ok. Um, thanks Charlie. You got anything else?” 

“Not as of right now. We’re still processing. I’ll call as soon as we have something. And, ah, do me a favor? Tell Steve I’m thinking about him.” Fong’s expression tightened for a moment. 

“We’ll tell him. And thanks Fong.” said Chin as he hung up the call. 

Kono stood tight lipped with her arms crossed as though if she concentrated hard enough she could draw the tears clinging to her eyelashes back in, still, she inclined her head towards Chin as he wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders, though the expression on his face suggested he’d like nothing better than to strangle somebody at the moment. Danny collapsed onto the couch, both hands over his face; this was worse than they could have ever imagined.

 _God, poor Steve._

It all made sense now. Danny leaned forward as he felt the atmosphere in the room shift; the shock and numbness was waning away, leaving a raging desire for revenge on the son of a bitch who did this to Steve… _the very soon to be dead son of a bitch who’d used his daughter’s image as a weapon against his best friend. He’ll pay for this. He’ll suffer for this._ But now wasn’t the time for that. If Steve were there he’d be telling them to put it aside for now, that as hard as it is they needed focus on the case. So that’s what they would do, for Steve, because right now he needed them. 

“Danny was right earlier, taking Steve back to the hospital is a bad idea. When he wakes up it needs to be somewhere he feels safe.” Chin said.

“But you guys heard Fong, we have no idea how those drugs are affecting him.” Kono turned to Danny “You said so yourself he was having trouble breathing.” 

“We’ll call Max.” Danny concluded. “Have him come over, see what he thinks. If he says Steve should be in the hospital, then we’ll take him right back. In the mean time we need to focus on what we have, track this son of a bitch down.”

“We can set up here.” Chin supplied “Grab the laptops, download everything onto the cloud, that way when Steve wakes up, we’ll all be here and we can fill him in on everything that’s going on. That’ll be important.” 

“Right. Somebody should stay here with him though, just in case. Why don’t you two go ahead and get everything we need, let’s be honest I’d just slow things down.” 

“We’ll be back in twenty minutes tops.” Chin nodded.

“Don’t forget to call Max.” said Kono, as the two of them made their way out the door.

****************** 

Steve began to flutter back to consciousness. He was aware of lying down on something warm and comfortable, and for a moment almost wanted to drift off again, but shrugged it off. _Stay awake, it’s not done yet._ He wasn’t in the hospital anymore, the mattress was too soft, and the surrounding area too quiet. _Mattress…_

Steve peeled his eyes open. It was semi-dark, but he recognized his former bedroom at once. Everything just how he’d left it. _He’d been right in thinking no one lives here anymore. Not exactly surprising…_ He took stock of his garbled brain; the last thing he remembered was being on the beach with- _No one, he was there alone. He must have blacked out and managed to get himself up to the house and into bed. But then how were the covers tucked in around him?…_ He decided it didn’t matter. He sat up and looked down, the hospital scrubs lay in a wet pile on the floor along with a towel, he must have had enough sense to dry off and change into the t-shirt and drawstring shorts he now wore. 

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Steve rested his head in his hands, trying to rationalize what to do next. _Should he go back to the hospital? Or maybe even to the police, turn himself in? He supposed he could just call them to come pick him up, he still wasn’t feeling very steady. He would need to get a hold of Dr. Shepherd, tell him that it was done…that he was finally ready-_

It was then that Steve’s ears picked up movement downstairs, footsteps falling evenly across the floor, like someone pacing back and forth. He reached into the bedside drawer, if everything was exactly how he left it then, yes, the Sig was still there. _Wouldn't the police have taken it for evidence?_ He checked the barrel, fully loaded, _maybe the cops didn't find it_ then snuck out into the hallway. From the open loft he could hear one half of a conversation; somebody was on the phone…. _No. No, no, no, no, not again. It was over. He’d finished it._

“Max, Max I know that. But you still went to med school and Steve trusts you, that’s probably the most important thing right now. All right. Great, Max, thank you. Really, buddy, thanks, we’ll see you soon.” _His_ Danny was saying. 

Steve padded down the stairs as quickly as could, _He was going to finish this. Finish it once and for all._ He reached the living room, and raised the faithful Sig in his hands.

 _His_ Danny was just hanging up the phone. When he heard the footsteps, he turned to Steve with an odd expression on his face. “Steve-“ his eyes drew down to Steve’s raised hand.

“Steve, what are you doing with that buddy?” _His_ Danny asked in an even, mollifying tone. 

“I told you, you had to go. Why didn’t you listen? You have to go and you can’t come back.” Steve’s voice shook, but his grip was steady. _Finish it._

_His_ Danny slowly raised his hands as he spoke. “Steve, I know your confused right now, but it’s gonna be all right. You’re safe. I’m gonna help you, but you need to put the gun down, ok?” 

“No!” Steve shouted “No you’re not gonna trick me. I won’t let you. You’re not real!” _He’s was never real. The real Danny is dead. He never knew him. He killed him. Squeeze the trigger and the bullets hit dry wall…then it’s over._

“Do you really believe that Steve?” _His_ Danny asked, taking a cautious step towards him. “Look at me and tell me that you honestly think, deep down, that none of this is real.” 

“I made you up.” Steve protested, taking an equal step forward, gun still raised. _Finish it. Now or never._ “I made you all up because I couldn’t live with what I did, I don’t wanna live with what I did! I have to face justice. I can’t let you drag me back, I have to be strong. I have to be a good person.” He was near hysterics now. 

“You _are_ a good person Steve.” _His_ Danny was closing the gap between them. “You are the best person I have ever known. Listen to me. Your name is Lt. Commander Steve McGarrett; certifiable, grenade toting, Super SEAL. You’re the head of Five-0, my partner, my best friend. And I know it’s not always easy for you to see it, because you like to go around thinking you’re alone with the weight of the world, but you are such an incredibly good person, and you have so many people in your life who love you. But if you don’t believe me, then go ahead. Shoot me. Make me ‘go away’, because otherwise I’m staying right here with you Steve.” 

His Danny was much too close now, the barrel of the gun was digging into his chest. Close enough that Steve could feel the heat that was coming off him, smell the slight hint of starch from his normally well pressed shirt, see his chest expanding with every steady, life filled breath… _It’s not real..it can’t be..it’s not…_

“Danny?” he whispered, somewhere in between a question and a plea.

“I’m right here Steve.” his Danny said gently as he encircled Steve’s wrist with his hand, thumb stroking over his rapid pulse. “It’s me. I’m right here.”

Steve let out a shuttering sob, his grip on the Sig slackened and he allowed Danny to take it from his hand. Steve’s head was spinning again and he staggered a few paces in retreat as Danny made quick work of unloading the gun. 

_The gun…oh my god…he could have…he almost…_

Steve let out another gut wrenching sob, and retreated further back toward the couch, but Danny closed in on him again.

“Hey, c’mere.”

His Danny, the real Danny, the only Danny, guided Steve onto the couch and pulled him close, one hand cradling his head, the other running up and down his back. Steve drew himself in closer to the warmth that was Danny, his Danny, and buried his face into his shoulder, listening to his breath, heart beat, inner workings, warm and real and alive. _His Danny._

“Danny” Steve murmured, trying to keep the sob out of his voice.

“Shhh. Shhhh, it’s ok babe. I’m here. I’ve got you. It’s ok, I’ve got you.” Danny soothed.

He tightened his arms around Steve. As he felt his best friend curl tighter into him, he brought his free hand up to the back of Steve’s neck, taking note of the flush he felt underneath. 

“God, you still feel too warm.” Danny muttered more to himself. He carefully detached Steve from him just enough so that they could look at each other, Danny’s hand remaining constantly on the back of Steve’s neck. “Ok babe, here’s what’s gonna happen: Chin and Kono went to the office to grab a few things, they’re gonna be back soon. We’re all gonna stay here with you for as long as you need. No one’s leaving, you won’t be alone. In the mean time we’re gonna get you back upstairs and into bed. Ok? I also called Max, he’s gonna come over and check you out, make sure you’re doing all right. Now if he says that you’re ok, then you’re gonna stay in bed and get some rest, but if he thinks you’re not, then we’re taking you back to the hospital. We’ll all still stay with you, but you’re going, no arguments. Does that make sense?” 

Steve nodded. “Yeah- I…No. No, Danny, just…just take me to the hospital. I wanna go. Just take me back. 

“Who are you and what have you done with Steven?” Danny winced at his own words. “Sorry, that was- wrong day for that. I’ll just have to remember to mark this day on my calendar, commemorate that Steven J. McGarrett voluntarily went to the hospital, it’s a miracle.” 

“Please Danny.” Steve was starting to sound unsteady again. “Please- I… I don’t wanna feel like this anymore. I- I wanna go to the hospital…”

“Ok.” said Danny, his tone quickly changing to pacifying. “Ok, we’re gonna go right now. Just one second.” He started to rise from the couch, but Steve got a death grip on his arm.

“Hey, take it easy. It’s ok. I’m not going anywhere. I’m just gonna grab your shoes. See? Right there by the front door.”

Steve nodded and let go of his arm long enough for Danny to retrieve a pair of flip-flops and deposit them on the floor next to Steve. He slowly helped Steve to his feet, and slip on the shoes, before transferring part of Steve’s weight onto his still aching shoulders. _At least he was only half caring Steve’s gigantic self this time._

“All right babe, you good?” 

Steve nodded, though he looked far from good.

“Ok.” Danny said “I’ll call Chin and Kono when we’re in the car, have them meet us there. Come on, let’s go.”

They remained silent as Danny guided Steve out the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I scare you? It looked like Steve was really about to shoot Danny there for a minute. (At least I hope it did.) Any guesses about Dr. Shepherd? Let me know what you think so far.


	8. One for the Money

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am a lifeguard, not a doctor. (That’s why I’m not allowed to say someone is dead, unless they’re decapitated. I’m not kidding.) I did the best I could research wise, but artistic liberties were most certainly taken with a lot of the medical aspects. To anyone reading this who may be in the medical profession: I apologize for my ignorance. I know how mad I get when people on TV are “preforming CPR” with bent elbows. Sorry about this.

The Camaro came to a slow stop outside the doors of the ER.

“All right babe, we’re here.” Danny reassured Steve gently, reaching over to unbuckles his seatbelt for him. 

Steve had sat completely subdued, eyes closed and head back against the headrest for the entire ride over, fingers wrapped around Danny’s wrist so that he could feel the steady beat of his plus, hold onto the rhythm of it like a safety line. Those fingers now tightened, refusing to let go of that line, as if, if that steady proof of life disappeared, then Danny would too. 

“Hey, it’s ok.” Danny rested his other hand on top of Steve’s, gently coxing him to relax his grip. “I’ve just gotta go park the car. I’ll only be away for a few minutes. And look who’s here.” 

Steve reluctantly turned his head to follow Danny’s gaze. The sight of Chin and Kono standing there waiting was enough for him to let go of his partner’s increasingly sore wrist. Chin opened the door and helped steady Steve on his feet before pulling him into an all-encompassing bear hug.

“You ok Steve?” Chin asked, a little strained, and Steve realized he was practically squeezing the air out of the man’s lungs. 

_Air in his lungs…alive…real…_

A small hand touched softly to his back and Chin released him into Kono’s waiting arms. She hugged him back tightly as she was being hugged, shifting onto her toes to mutter in his ear: 

“Scare me like that again and I’ll kick your ass, boss.”

Steve couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh. _God, he loved her. He loved them all. His team, his Ohana, he loved them all so much…so much it hurt….it hurt…_

The earth suddenly seem to no longer be willing to support his weight, he staggered a bit, trying to regain his balance, but it only made the ground feel more like jell-o, _or maybe that was just his legs…and when did it get so cold…_ Chin caught him as he slumped backwards. 

“It’s all right Steve, I got you.” said reassuring and calm as he hauled Steve into an awaiting wheelchair. “Let’s get you inside.”

“No.” Steve protested weakly “No I wanna wait for Danny…I…I want us all together…I’m not gonna-…He wanted to take you all away from me…I’m not gonna let him take you away.”

“Hey. Nobody’s taking anybody away. It’s ok now. Danny’s gonna be back in a few minutes. We’re not gonna leave you ok?” said Kono.

She placed a calming hand on his shoulder as Chin pushed the wheelchair through the automatic doors. A nurse greeted them as they entered, directing them back to the room Steve had abandoned earlier, and helped to get him resettled into bed. She was in the midst of giving him a brief check over, when Danny entered the room.

“See, told you I’d be right back.” he said, coming automatically to Steve’s side. Though as he came closer his expression fell. “Is he ok?” he asked the nurse.

She shook her head. “He’s defiantly running a fever again. Commander McGarret, I’m going to start a new IV line, then I’m going to page the doctor to come in and have look at you. Just relax as much as you can for me.”

Steve nodded. The world was starting to go fuzzy again, the mountain that had been sitting on his chest all day was growing heavier by the second. Still, he focused his eyes on his team, _his Ohana_ , all surrounding him with love and worried expressions. _No one's going to come near them. He'd make sure of that if it was the last thing he did_

“I’m ok.” he whispered. He flinched at the sharp, intense pain as the needle entered his vein. _Son of a bitch!_ He leaned his head back against the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut tight and drawing in shallow, shaking breaths. 

“Steve?” Kono’s voice sounded further away than it should. “Steve are you having trouble breathing?”

“I’m ok” Steve repeated. _He’d dealt with this all day.- It seemed much longer than that.- He could manage. He’s ok._

A rush of air and the faint scent of plastic hit him and he realized an oxygen mask had been placed over his face. It didn’t help much, but the cool flow of air made him feel slightly better.

“I’ll get the doctor right away.” he heard the nurse say, though it sounded like she was at the other end of a long tunnel.

He managed to open his eyes to half mast, but his vision was rapidly going from fuzzy to dark around the edges. The last thing he was aware of before the blackness covered him completely was a hand on his forehead, and voices telling him that ‘it’s ok’ and ‘just hang on’. 

…..

The doctor’s news confirmed what Danny all ready suspected.

“He’s showing symptom of toxic exposure, though without knowing all the details I can’t be certain.” he explained to the team grimly. “I understand he was back home for a few hours, did he eat or drink anything that you’re aware of?”

“No.” Danny said, running a hand through his all ready disheveled hair. _How could they have been so stupid? How could he have been so stupid? He should have dragged Steve into the car and rushed him right back here._

“Well the good news is we know it wasn’t ingested then, which narrows down the list significantly. We also know that it’s fast acting which means he came into contact with it again in the last few hours. Did he do anything that would match up with a normal routine?”

“He tried to go for swim in the ocean.” Chin provided “But other than being in his bed, that’s it- Danny, what’s the matter?”

Danny’s face had gone a shade whiter than the sterile wall behind him, his eyes wide in recognition and horror. 

“Danny?” Kono carefully touched his arm; bring him back to reality.

“The towel…the towel I used to dry him off…it’s the one he always uses when he goes swimming…and he leaves it in the backyard on one of the chairs…it was right there and I just grabbed it-”

“I’ll get a HAZMAT team over there right away.” said Chin, pulling out his phone. 

Danny buried his face in his hands, unable to look at any of them, but especially Steve. _This is all his fault. Again._

“Hey.” Kono said sharply “Don’t do this to yourself. It isn’t your fault Danny. It’s the son of a bitch who did this to Steve. And we’re gonna nail his ass to the wall but you can’t keep blaming yourself. You got that?” 

“Yeah.” Danny sighed. He wiped at his face and drew her into a tight hug. “What would I do without you?”

“Honest opinion? Because I think we’ve all had enough terrifying thoughts for one day.” she replied, but Danny couldn’t miss the slight way she curled into his shoulder. 

“You’re right. He’s gonna be fine. Everything’s gonna be ok.” he assured her a tone that bordered on ‘Dad-voice’ 

“HAZMAT’s en-route.” Chin reported as he hung up the phone “I told them to send the results straight here.” 

The doctor nodded. “Good. There’s not much we can do for now besides try to make him comfortable.” he looked over the team and their weary faces, understanding their unspoken feelings of helplessness. “Why don’t you all try talking to him for the time being.”

“Can he hear us?” Danny asked

“Even if he consciously can’t, it’s been my experience that the sound of familiar voices has an effect on lowering a patient’s distress.” the doctor said with a sympatric smile.

So they took turns whispering words of encouragement, and reassurance, and love, talking back and forth to both Steve and one another for what seemed like an eternity, until the doctor finally returned with a sure smile and an IV bag.

“I have good news.” he informed the team. “Commander McGarrett was exposed to a toxic metal called cadmium. It was ground into a fine powered and coated the towel, which was transferred and absorbed into his wet skin. That’s good news. Cadmium has been known to cause lasting damage, however, that’s in cases of industrial workers who are exposed over a long period of time and frequently inhaled the dust. Contact exposure, like what Commander McGarrett has, results in flu like symptoms and is easy enough to treat.” 

“So he’s gonna be all right?” Danny asked.

“He’s going to be fine. Provided there are no complications or signs of further repository distress, he should be able to go home in a few day.” 

The team looked at one another, an overwhelming sense of relief washing over them as they all breathed for what felt like the first time today. 

“You should all get some rest. The doctor said kindly. “He’ll sleep until morning.”

“Thank you.” Chin nodded, but he knew, thought it had been a long, exhausting day that was nearing 10pm, the odds of any of them getting much rest beyond dozing off in their chairs beside Steve’s bed were non-existent.

*****************************   
Steve smiled to himself as he heard the front door open. 

“All right Mary, I gotta go but I’ll talk to you soon ok?” he said into the phone “I love you too. Bye.”

He hung up with a smile just as they came into the kitchen.

“Uncle Steve!” Grace squealed and bounded into his outstretched arms.

“Hey Gracie” he said as he pulled her in close and held her tight.

“Danno said you weren’t feeling good, so I made you this.” she said drawing away and offering him the folded piece of construction paper in her hand.

Steve looked down at the homemade card with the words _‘Get Well Soon Uncle Steve, Love Grace’_ written inside a giant heart. He chocked back the lump threatening to form in his throat, and managed to smile back at her beaming face.

“You know what, kiddo? This is probably the nicest card anyone has ever given me. Thank you.” he pulled her back in for another hug, forcing himself to pull back the tidal wave of emotion threatening to come crashing down at any second. Of course Danny picked up on it right away, _because when have they ever needed words to understand each other?_

“Hey Monkey, I think Uncle Chin and Aunt Kono are out back all ready. Why don’t you go hi, I have some work stuff I need to tell Uncle Steve.” 

“Ok, but don’t take too long, we’re supposed to be having a barbeque.” Grace said with an expression that was all her father. “I’m glad you’re feeling better Uncle Steve.”

“Me too Grace.” he said patting her head as she scampered out the door with the pure life-force that only a nine-year-old can muster, brown pigtails trailing behind her as she went. Steve watched her go until Danny drew his attention back.

“Was that Mary?” he asked indicating to the phone in Steve’s hand. “How’s she doing?”

“She’s good.” Steve replied. “I’m still trying to convince her that I’m fine and she doesn’t need to rush out here though.” 

“Can you blame her?”

“I guess not.” Steve shook his head. “I really appreciated you calling her for me. And Cath. Really, thank you.”

“Hey, don’t mention it. I knew you’d need to see them when you woke up, it was no problem.”

“Yeah. Yeah that really helped.“

Danny had called both Catherine and Mary and had them on video chat stand-by the day Steve woke-up in the hospital with a head ache, chills, and an overwhelming sense of panic and vague memories of the past 24-hours. As far as his sister knew, he was in the hospital and disoriented after a trippy fever. Cath had been filled in on everything. Seeing both their faces, hearing their voices reassuring him had brought him a great deal of comfort, but there was still one person missing from it all. One person who, no matter what reality Steve found himself in, would always be missing… 

“Hey Steve?” 

“Yeah, sorry what?” Steve shook his head to clear his thoughts.

“I asked how you’re holding up today?” Danny said searchingly.

“I’m fi-“

“Don’t give me Robo-SEAL “I’m fine” crap. I know you better than that, you’re not fine. Have you been having any more flash backs?”

The doctor had warned him that some memories might come back to him suddenly in bits and pieces. He hadn’t warned him that they would come at him in a full onslaught with the power to force him off balance during his waking hours or else rip him from his sleep with a breath robbing start, drenching him in cold sweat.

“Steve!”

“I heard you, I’m just thinking. No, not so much anymore. It’s mostly when I wake-up and I try to make sense of it all, but it’s hard. It’s like I remember the feeling, but not what actually happened.” He looked over at Danny who was gazing intently back at him with sympathy and understanding. “I don’t know. I think I’m just restless. I’m ready to go back on Monday- and _yes_ I’m feeling up to it. I need to get back to normal.” 

“And we will.” said Danny, clapping him on the shoulder “Starting with you grilling us up some stakes. Let’s go partner, I’m starving.” he paused, hand lingering on Steve’s shoulder before giving it a final squeeze. “We’re gonna get this guy Steve.”

“Yeah.” Steve nodded, garbing the plate of marinated t-bones from the counter “I know we will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TO BE CONTINUED WITH: “Two for the Show” 
> 
> Thanks for reading and stay tuned!


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